Filled with Hope.

This past Friday, I finally made my move from good old Saginaw to Holland, Michigan, home to Hope College - and other grand things of course. It's about a three hour trek, so it probably sounds quite simple, quite easy, quite non-monumental, I suppose. And initially, I must admit that I went into it with that sort of mindset. Nothing but a three hour drive, a mere stone's throw away. And since I had already seriously entertained the thought of going as far away as Manhattan College and the University of Kentucky, it was pretty easy for me to view this as "no big deal." But then I began to notice that this wasn't really the case. Let's just say that saying goodbye to my friends in the days before I left was far from easy, regardless of the fact that I knew it was very much a temporary goodbye. Actually, it was one of the worst feelings I've ever had to deal with. You see, I sort of view it as a lose-lose situation. Either you don't say goodbye to your friends for fear of it hurting a bit too much, and thus lose in that sense, or you do say goodbye and are forced to realize once again that you love them too gosh darn much to even handle it, and thus leaving becomes synonymous with losing, losing precious moments together for the time being. So you say your "see you soon's" and then the doubts begin to creep in. Or at least they did for me.

And then you enter uncharted waters. You're thrown into a sea of unfamiliarity and chaos and stress and crowds of people and worry and homesickness and heavy hearts and utter confusion. But you're also thrown into a sea of newness and potential friends and freedom and excitement and a glorious sort of craziness. I like to think that one's first college experience is one of the very few things in life where excitement and sheer terror can be felt in the same instance, and it is a strange, strange, strange little phenomenon. And at first, I wasn't certain how to react to such a phenomenon, so naturally I freaked out. On my first day here, I was an absolute wreck on the inside. I was terrified due to the fact that I was already missing home and missing my friends, and it was just not a pleasant situation.

But then I decided that I wasn't going to let it get me down. And let me tell you, that has to be a very deliberate decision if you really want to follow through on such a feat; you have to be willing to change your outlook and not dwell on the things you're missing at home (even though you certainly still miss them) and buck up and be a little outgoing for once. I finally was able to realize that everyone else was dealing with the same circumstances I was. So I could sit and sulk and be a disgruntled little fool, or I could introduce myself to people and step out of my comfort zone and be a bit bold for the first time in my life. I mean, I have forever been the person who takes like a whole year to warm up to people before I feel as though I can totally be myself around them, and I had to take note of the fact that this method of attack simply would not work this time around. And boy, did the coolest thing ever happen. Now it wasn't instant; I'm not going to lie. I didn't immediately begin dancing around without a care in the world. But I did begin to - slowly but surely - feel at home. You know, people are so nice if you let them be, and it's so great to be surrounded by so many like-minded people, people who love Christ and love others and want desperately to make you feel like you are not only cared for, but where you are meant to be. And that's beautiful. And I am beginning to love it here.

So classes start Tuesday, and we shall see how it goes from there. Right now, I'm in the excited phase. So many new faces & stories & opportunities. Yes; I am quite hopeful that God's going to do big things. And I'm ready.