Freak , Control

Lately, I have been forced to face the ugly fact that letting go is indeed a necessary and even frequent part of life. It's so easy to want to control everything, to be able to pick and choose when these aforesaid incidents of letting go will take place, to keep things just the way they've always been situated in those cluttered little minds of ours. Believe me; I get it.

You see, I am avid lover of change - change of all kinds. Except when the change is actually happening. I like the thought of it. Heck, I love the thought of it. But I am coming to find that it is hard to sit back and watch as your whole world is rocked. It's difficult to perpetually throw caution to the wind and let whatever happens, happen and whatever fails to happen, not happen. That's not how most humans are wired. We learn to be complacent, to take things as they are, and then proceed to love them that way and that way only. It's not a sin; it's not a bad thing by any means. But it does become problematic when change happens, when letting go is no longer an option but a necessity.

Let me make this a little clearer. Summertime is a beautiful world. I am deeply, madly, purely in love with it. The problem rests in the fact that in the summer, I have absolutely no reason to go to sleep. During the school year, I can usually persuade myself that four or five hours of sleep is pivotal to function properly and - God-willing - successfully in the classroom. In the summer, I have no such motivation. Thus, I spend most nights simply in thought. Although I am only midway through my first writing endeavor, I am already plotting something along the lines of a second, The Perks of Being an Insomniac. We'll see if that happens, but that is seriously beside the point at the moment. Amid these midnight musings, I have found myself worrying far too much. I worry about losing touch with people in the next few years; I worry about choices; I worry about this crazy thing called life. It's quite difficult to grasp - and resign to - the fact that not everything is in my control any more. Actually, it's terrifying. Whoa.

But Jesus. That's all I have to say. Jesus is the greatest. Here I am, sitting and freaking out about everything, when this Savior of mine has it all in HIS control. Now, I'm not saying that I never worry about anything anymore. I do. But not nearly as much. I'm only human. He's God. Therefore, I am totally cool with letting Him take the reigns on this one.

We've been called to live in the moment, to seize it whole-heartedly, to devour it. Why on earth would we waste it on what-if's and how-come's? Eww. Now living - really living - sounds pretty good, am I right?