Forgiveness

Such a brilliant title, am I right? Okay, so it's not. But forgiveness is such a huge topic to explore, a world in and of itself, forever the most rejuvenating gift to receive and the most relieving gift to impart. Forgiveness. Man, it's such powerful thing, so much so that I'm not entirely certain where to start out here. So I'm just going to let the words flow and pray that you'll forgive me if it ends up a tad bit jumbled.

Now, I am baffled by the fact that it is feasible for me to be so frustrated by something, yet so undeniably intrigued by its beauty and the freedom which resides in its very utterance. And that's forgiveness for you. I have always been one of those people who has lofty plans to hold a well-executed grudge from time to time and really stick it to a person good. On the contrary, I also happen to be one of those people who almost can't function if I'm not on good terms with every single person around me. So here's how it usually goes. A promise is broken or rash words are spoken or I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, and I say to myself, "Oh my gosh, I'm such a pushover; I'll never let this happen again. I'm just not going to talk to him or her or them for a week, and we'll see how they feel. Yeah, that'll get 'em." And then about five minutes later, I start to feel really bad and I give in and I crumble and everything is back to normal. And this used to make me so furious and agitated.

But then I thought about it. And frankly, I wasn't upset by it anymore. I'm starting to see that the inability to hold a grudge or withhold forgiveness is actually more of an ability. Now, I have yet to master the mammoth concept of forgiveness, and in reality, I'm pretty far from that aforesaid mastery. But I have discovered quite a bit through all of my failed attempts to hold onto things that don't need to be held on to. And here's what I've got:

Forgiveness is perhaps the most freeing undertaking one will ever encounter. Nevertheless, we are so quick to avoid it all costs, to do anything BUT forgive, to dwell on the past, to tarry amidst former pains or wrongdoings and quickly wear out our welcome. And I get that. I get that people have been hurt and used and abused and exploited and betrayed and ostracized in ways that I cannot even begin to contrive. And it is an absolute shame. Whatever the hurt was, I concur that it was not right; it was not okay; it was not shrug off-able. It stung, and it probably stayed. So how do you justify that? How do you forgive, and perhaps more importantly, press onward? And why?

Well, because forgiveness is a pivotal part of the journey commonly referred to as life. Because it allows us to take a sweet, peace-ridden breath when we've gone months without. Because it prompts us to move on. Because it causes us to be made new. Because it causes all our relationships to be made new. Because Jesus Christ did it for us, and who the heck are we to not do the same?

I'm starting to believe that forgiveness and freedom truly are synonymous. You see, freedom isn't free, and neither is forgiveness. Both come at a cost; both require a whole lot of courage and depth and maybe even a little soul-searching. And both take time. If we could snap our fingers and have all the pain and the loss be gone, the story would probably be a little bit different. But we can't. We have to make the decision to say, "Yeah, I have been wronged, and it was not okay. But I also know how necessary and life-giving forgiveness is, even for the seemingly unforgivable. It's time to address it, to be the person I know I am capable being. I'm letting it go. And I'm liberated."

I hope your heart's feeling a little lighter already.