Pulchritudinous

Pulchritudinous. It means beautiful. Ravishing. Treasured. Admirable. In other words, pulchritudinous is the exact opposite of what the world and the media and society make you believe that you are. Wait, that's wrong. You are worthy of that title if you do what the world says you're supposed to do. If you show a little more. If you have one more. If you go a little further. If you make a couple more people feel bad. But, lately, I've found out that none of this works for me. None of it seems satisfying or uplifting or worthwhile - or even intriguing.

It's not worth it. It will never be worth it. To me.

And I started to feel totally and completely hopeless. How do I live in a world and a generation that puts so much emphasis on things that I have absolutely no desire to be a part of? How do I live in a generation that is fixated on nothing but this generation? It's a scary thought for me. I wanted so badly for so long to be accepted and to be popular and to be that "it" girl. But I couldn't do what was necessary to accomplish that coveted title.

I'm not an ignorant person by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have morals and standards and boundaries that many of my peers would look at and literally laugh out loud. I'm not the "norm". But before I get too far ahead of myself, I have to stop and say that this by no means gives me the right to judge anyone else. It's not my life. It's not my choice. Therefore, it is not my place to judge. Plus, I'm the farthest thing from a saint myself. I am a poor, miserable, stupid, selfish, lost sinner. But I will not budge for one moment when it comes to my convictions. And that's the truth.

C.S. Lewis once said something along the lines of, "If nothing on earth can ever satisfy your desire fully, then you know you were made for something more." Well said, I think. You see, we get so wrapped up in nothing but sheer, utter clutter that we lose sight of what we're pursuing. Essentially, by living for these things, we forget what we're living for. We forget what we'd even die for. And I thought these verses below described my situation perfectly. In a world where, sadly, active Christian has become a scrutinized, heckled minority.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Right on, Paul. I may not be seen as a "catch" in this world, but I am positive that I am a "catch" in the arms of my Savior. Heck, maybe even a little pulchritudinous.