Decisions, decisions, decisions. There are so many decisions. So many choices. So many picks. So many "this one's" or "that one's". So many potential game-changers. And for a person like me, this is terrifying. Absolutely, sickeningly, terrifyingly terrifying.
And maybe that's partly due to the fact that I am a straight up, stage five incapable of making a decision-er. Yeah; you heard me correctly. I am incapable of making a decision to save my life. It's the perfectionist in me that won't allow me to decide on something until I believe it is sheer perfection. And nothing less. I don't care if it takes me 5 minutes to decide or 5 weeks, I want it to be right. Which can makes things pretty complicated when you're deciding on something as simple as where to go to dinner.
But then there are things that are a little bit bigger. A little bit more potentially life-changing. And when these things are approaching, it's hard to keep dodging the what-ifs, the coulda-shoulda-woulda's, the looming doubts. If I go to this university, it will be the best launching pad for my planned career in journalism. But if I go here, I'll be able to keep more in tune with my faith life. Oh, but wait. If I go there, the location will allow me to step outside my comfort zone and enter uncharted waters. Oh my gosh, but this place offers the best study abroad opportunity in London. But hey, this one's close to my family. AHHH.
It's insane. It's nuts. It's impossible. So I've decided that I'm just going to have to sit this next part of my life out and live in my parents' basement. Umm. NO. People don't do that. People with any sort of ambition or drive don't do that. They can't do that. You can't let life's attempts to intimidate you, intimidate you. And for heaven's sake, stop trying to please everyone. Stop trying to be that person that you're expected to be, and start being that person that you were made to be. You know, the "you" that is actually you?
And when you strip away all of these expectations and the outside "help" and the desire to impress and the stupid input that really has no place in your life at all and the pressure and the questions and the what-ifs and, oh, how could I forget? The opinions of your peers. Wait. Where was I? Oh yes. When you strip away all of this no-good nonsense, decisions really aren't that big of a deal. In fact, the decision has already been made. Because it depends on you. And what is good for you. And what is right for you. And what is wonderful - and wanderfull - for you. Now, is that so bad?
In all honesty, I'm still deciding for myself.
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