I Want to Ban Bad Facebook-ers

Now, I'm not the biggest lover of facebook to begin with. I'm more of a twitter person. Sure, facebook is a great tool for connecting with old friends or posting pictures from a major trip every now and then, but sometimes, I see some of the things people do on there and I can't decide if I should be confused, mad, or concerned. And I'll explain to you why that is.

First of all, the names. I've always been a fan of the classic first and last name route, and I can even handle the middle name too. But that's about it. I mean, chances are, if your name is BigBooty Judy, and you request me as a friend or poke me, I'm not going to be super stoked about it. And then there are those other people who try to be a little more sneaky and just add a weird middle name like Tyrone GotMySwagOn Jones. Yeah, that's still not okay.

Then we've got the status issue. Don't get me wrong, it's totally cool if you enjoy cuddling, but I don't need a play by play. And I understand if you're really bored. What I don't understand is why that prompts you to post a "Truth is..." status. It's great to hear that you think everyone is pretty and you want to hang out with them sometime soon, but after the 38th post, it's just not as great. Plus, if you "bet I won't respond to your status with how we first met", I'm just going to have to let you win that bet. But holy cow, can you really read that paragraph even when all the letters have been jumbled around? That's impressive.

And then there are the pictures. Oh, the pictures, the pictures, the pictures. They usually speak for themselves. Sometimes, I feel like I know more about that person's bathroom than they do. I can see if they leave the toilet seat up, if they have a cool shower curtain, or if their mirror needs to be cleaned. And then I can tell if they're the type of person who likes to look happy in pictures or look injured. Or my personal favorite, "No makeup, all natural, *insert song lyrics." Wow, you have very luxurious lashes, naturally of course.

But sometimes, I feel bad. I'm really sorry, but I just won't be able to help you with your farm at the moment. And that sounds like it's going to be an awesome aquarium, but I think I'm going to have to pass this time. Anyway, good luck with your next game of online paddle ball.

Nevertheless, as much as I like to complain about these facebook issues, I still get a kick out of them. So, along with banning these violators, I would also like to extend a thank you. Thank you for the laughs. Thank you so much for the laughs. But now, please stop.